By Xiaoxia, Hong Kong
I was born into a poor rural family with several generations living under one roof. My eldest aunt and my mother often bickered endlessly with each other over the trifles of our family. In the end, we really couldn’t bear that anymore, so we moved out. But since my father couldn’t make money and nothing went right for him, we often shifted from one home to another, living a hard life. Nobody was willing to associate with us and we were often treated with cold indifference on account of poverty.
When I was at junior middle school, I often envied other students: Why can they wear new clothes and have good living conditions while my family is so poor? Afterward, since my family had no money and couldn’t afford my younger brother’s and my tuition, in my second year in junior school, I had no choice but to give up my studies so that my younger brother could continue his. But even so, I still saw that my mother often borrowed money from everybody she knew to cover our living expenses. At that time, I often railed against Heaven and earth, complained of my difficult life and that my father’s failing to make enough money resulted in our difficult and poor life. I, growing up in such a living environment, felt more and more that having money was so important, poverty was so unbearable, and that I could lose everything except for money.
When I grew up, I began to work away from home, but I found that I couldn’t make money rapidly and easily by working for others. Most people were snobbish. If you are rich, they would make friends or be good terms with you; but if not, they even would have nothing to say to you. Under the influence of that kind of social environment, I was even more disposed to believe that money was first, just as the saying goes, “Money isn’t everything but without money you can’t do anything.” Gradually, money became my goal of pursuit and all my choices and decisions were centered around it.
At eighteen, I met my boyfriend. He was good-looking and the most important was that his family was well off. I had wishful thinking: Making money is so hard, so I might as well marry a rich man; in this way, I will live a better life easily. At that time, our parents disapproved of our being together, but I ignored my family’ opposition and still dated with him. Not long after that, I got married with him as I had expected. I had thought it was the beginning of a happy life, but actually I was just at the start of my painful life.
After my marriage, I got pregnant soon and bore a daughter. Since my in-laws were seriously influenced by the thinking of preferring boys over girls, after the birth of my daughter, they, who didn’t like me before, treated me even more lukewarmly as if I was an outsider. Although outwardly I lived in a rich and large family, in fact I just felt imprisoned, having no freedom and having to listen to them in everything. My husband had no original opinions; he only cared about his work and basically did not care at all about me. What’s more, I found that he did not have money in his hand, and his family having money did not mean that he himself had. Not only this, but there was a vast difference between how my elder sister-in-law and I was treated. She could go out to play cards every day and buy famous brand commodities. All of her pocket money was obtained by my elder brother-in-law who wheedled money out of my mother-in-law. Yet I had never shared the same life as her. Each time I saw these I felt very upset. The more I thought the more I felt aggrieved, and in my heart I gradually had a hostile attitude toward my husband’s family. This led to more conflicts between them and me.
Afterward, directed by the viewpoint “Money talks,” I demanded to divide the family possessions, thinking that by doing so, my husband and I would get a considerable part of the property. However, our fate was not always as we wished. Not only did my husband not get a share of the possessions but my mother-in-law hated me a lot more. In this way, I lived a poor life once again. Living by ourselves, we needed money for almost everything, like the daily necessities and raising the child. The income of my husband was not much, and in addition to this he had the bad habits of smoking and drinking, so our life became even more difficult. It was truly that everything went wrong for poor couple. Owing to the problem of money, there were more conflicts between us and we often quarreled with each other over the family trifles. Subsequently, he asked for a divorce, but I disagreed because my daughter was then too young and I was afraid that I would be laughed at if it was known to others. However, I had never thought that he could not bear this kind of life, thus abandoning my daughter and me and running away with a woman. At that period of time, I sank into darkness, almost reaching the lowest point in my life, and the grievances and torment in my heart made me fall into pain, even to the extent that I thought of killing myself. For death quits all scores and I wouldn’t need to face anything. But when seeing my daughter’s little poor face, my heart softened. I was afraid that my parents would worry about me, so I was only able to silently endure all the pain and cry in secret. For my daughter, I forced myself to begin to work. The only thing comforting me was that my daughter was pretty good.
As days went by, my father-in-law got an advanced nasopharyngeal carcinoma. He was an old doctor who opened a drugstore, but when he faced the cancer, the excellent medical skill and money could do nothing for him. This touched me a lot. In the past, I had thought that money could solve any problem, but now I realized that no matter how much money we had, it could not buy our life. So I did not regard money as so important. Half a year after my father-in-law’s death, my husband went back. He knelt down by the door and acknowledged his mistakes with tears covering his face. My mother-in-law finally forgave him and asked me to make a fresh start with him. I, however, was unable to forgive one who had betrayed me; eventually I chose to leave there.
A few years later, my friends introduced my present husband to me. Learning from my last experience, this time I did not take money into consideration when selecting a husband. He didn’t have a car or storied building, and was slow of speech, but was nice to me. Thus I began my second marriage and born him two sons. We then moved to Hong Kong and our life here was not bad.
Later, one time when learning aromatherapy massage, I got acquainted with a sister believing in God. She passed on the gospel of God’s kingdom to me, making me know that Almighty God is the God who created the heavens and earth and all things and rules over all things, and all things come from Him. I very much liked gathering with sisters. Once during a meeting, I saw such a passage of God’s word, which was really applicable to my previous life and also made me have some understanding of the source of all my torments. God says, “‘Money makes the mare go’ is the philosophy of Satan and it prevails among every human society. You could say that it is a trend because it has been imparted to everyone and is now affixed in their heart. People went from not accepting this saying to growing used to it so that when they came into contact with real life, they gradually gave tacit approval to it, acknowledged its existence and finally, they gave it their own seal of approval. Is this right? (Yes.) Isn’t this process that of Satan corrupting man? Perhaps those of you sitting here do not understand this saying to the same degree, but everyone has different degrees of interpretation and acknowledgment of this saying based on things that have happened around them and their own personal experiences, right? Regardless of how much experience someone has with this saying, what’s the negative effect that it can have on someone’s heart? (People would think money can do anything, and they would esteem money.) Something is revealed through the human disposition of the people in this world, including yourselves sitting here. How is this interpreted? It’s the worship of money. Is it hard to get this out of someone’s heart? It is very hard! It seems that Satan’s corruption of man is thorough indeed! Can we say that? (Yes.) So after Satan uses this trend to corrupt people, how is it manifested in them? Don’t you feel that you couldn’t survive one day in this world without any money, that even one day would just be impossible? (Yes.) People’s status is based on how much money they have as is their respectability. The backs of the poor are bent in shame, while the rich enjoy their high status. They stand tall and proud, speaking loudly and living arrogantly. What does this saying and trend bring to people? Don’t many people see getting money as being worth any cost? Don’t many people sacrifice their dignity and integrity in the pursuit of more money?” (“God Himself, the Unique V”).
God’s words touched my heart deeply. It turned out the words that “Money makes the mare go,” accepted by me unconsciously, is a satanic philosophy, not the truth. After that, the sister fellowshiped a lot to me according to God’s word, making me gradually realize that during the years before that, the direction I sought was wrong. These wrong viewpoints, like “Money talks” and “Money isn’t everything but without money you can’t do anything,” made me lose myself. In order to get money, I lost my integrity and dignity and got married to my first husband against my will. Then, to get a share of the family property, I asked for the division of it. However, in the end I did not get true happiness and joy, but instead suffered incomparable pain, with hatred and complaint buried in my heart all the time. So, I had suffered these pains, this was because I regarded money as above all else. I always thought that money meant a good life and with money, I would be looked up to and fawned on, be confident when I spoke, and would have a happy and content life. Turned out that I had been always fooled by Satan and shackled firmly by money, which caused me to live as neither a man nor a beast. Then, I thought about my present life: Although my husband does not have too much money, nor does he have any storied building or car, he is nice to me and we also live comfortably and steadily. Thinking like this, I realized that money is indeed not everything, which is incapable of buying life or of being exchanged for the true happiness. Thank God! It was God’s words that revealed my satanic poison. Through enlightenment from God’s words and the fellowship of the sister, I made my resolution: From now on, I will not live for money or be so obsessed with it, but will have more place for God in my heart. Afterward, I began to attend gatherings. Through reading God’s words and fellowshiping in gatherings, my heart became more and more released and I felt the happiness and joy I had never felt before.
One time, I found that my present husband kept 10,000 yuan himself and didn’t hand it to me. So I demanded to know the reason, but he faltered, not daring to tell me. After a period of time, he drummed up the courage to tell me that the money was used to pay a fine. Had it happened in the past, I would surely burst into a rage. But now, I had learnt how to be quiet before God to seek God’s will. I suddenly recalled the word said by Job when his property was taken away: “the LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD.” Yeah, all is in God’s hands. Thinking of these, I said peacefully: “Forget it! We will never miss what should be ours, nor will we get that which is not of us.” Looking at me, he felt fairly strange, because my attitude then was not what he expected at all. He asked me why I didn’t scold him. Actually it was because I had prayed to God silently in my heart: Before, I was directed by the satanic poison “Money talks,” saw money as life itself and always quarreled about it, with the result that the feelings between family members were hurt, the family broke apart, and I was trapped in the abyss of misery. That erroneous viewpoint of Satan is a shackle, and I will not continue to be shackled by it. Now, it is God’s guidance that makes me able to lay down my pursuit and fondness for money and feel free and liberated in my heart. Thank God!
Just as I was thinking that I was able to lay down this poison of Satan, another matter came upon me. I found that my mother had lent the tens of thousands of yuan, which I gave my parents before, to a relative to build a house. Additionally, the relative always failed to repay loans before. At that time, I became very anxious as if my heart was being burned. I thought: I was reluctant to spend the money even on myself, but my mother simply gave it to someone else; have I not lost tens of thousands of yuan in this way?
Then I impatiently called my mother, questioned her, and lost my temper with her on the phone. Later, only when she told me that the relative would repay the money did I breathe a sigh of relief. The experience made me realize that the poison of Satan still existed within myself and I hadn’t completely rid myself of it. So, for the sake of money, I was still able to fume with rage and unable to be quiet before God. I thought of God’s words had ever told us that no matter what situation we encountered, we should firstly pray and seek God, as without the direction of Him, we couldn’t prevail over sin but could only live in Satan’s bondage.
As a result, I prayed to God and sought the truth to solve this problem. I saw this passage of God’s words, “There is a simplest way to free oneself from this state: to bid farewell to one’s former way of living, to say goodbye to one’s previous goals in life, to summarize and analyze one’s previous lifestyle, philosophy, pursuits, desires, and ideals, and then to compare them with God’s will and demands for man, and see whether any of them is consistent with God’s will and demands, whether any of them delivers the right values of life, leads one to a greater understanding of the truth, and allows one to live with humanity and human likeness” (“God Himself, the Unique III”). Under the enlightenment of God’s words, I had some understanding that the reason why I could not thoroughly let go of my old disposition was because the way I looked at things and my life values had not completely changed. If I want to be truly changed, I must put aside my previous lifestyle and philosophy, completely see through the error of Satan’s viewpoint, constantly pray to God, and live by God’s word, never falling into Satan’s scheme. Only in this way can I achieve complete change little by little. Thinking of these, I had the resolution again, willing to rely on God’s leadership to gradually achieve dispositional change. Subsequently, another relative borrowed tens of thousands of yuan from my mother to buy a house. This time, I didn’t meddle in it, because I did not want to be fooled and bound by money again. When I practiced in this way, I felt very relaxed, and also peaceful and at ease in my heart. Gradually, I did not regard money as so important any longer.
Thank God for His salvation, which makes me realize the source of my previous pain. It is God that has guided me to practice according to His words and to put aside my pursuit of money bit by bit. And only God can lead me in this way, make me live easily and happily, and lead me to the right way of life. I really thank God! All the glory and praise be to God! Amen!
Source from: find the shepherd
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