Family Conflict Has Finally Subsided | Eastern Lightning

By Zhuiqiu, Malaysia

I’m a cosmetologist and my husband is a farmer. We knew each other in an activity: throwing of mandarin oranges in Malaysia. One year later, we had a church wedding in the presence of a priest as a witness. When I heard the priest praying for our marriage, my eyes became moist, and I prayed to God within silently, “I hope this man can look after and take care of me without change or surcease and can accompany me through my whole life.” At that moment, I was deeply moved, even feeling my heart were weeping unceasingly.

After truly entering into the marriage, the conflicts between us began to appear. Every day, my husband went out to sell vegetables at past 4 a.m., and went back at past 7 p.m., but when I went off work, it was already over 10 p.m., so we seldom got along with each other. When I dragged my exhausted body home, I wished to gain his concern, care and understanding, such as: asking me how my work was going or whether I felt happy or not. However, almost every time when I went back home, I saw him either watching TV or playing with his phone and sometimes he even didn’t greet me, as if I didn’t exist. Seeing these scenes, I felt very depressed.

Sometimes, when I experienced some friction with my colleagues or customers, I would complain to him. Once, there were some conflicts between my customer and me in my work. I felt very troubled, so I complained to him after going back home, but he just responded “Oh” as he played with his phone. Seeing he gave me a cold shoulder, I said in a tone of anger: “Have you heard what I said?” He looked up at me and said, “Yes!” Then he continued to bow his head playing. His indifferent attitude toward me made me feel very hurt. So I shouted at him, “Can’t you reply me since you’ve heard? Are you a wooden figure? Can’t you chat? Do I also need to speak with you through the phone?” Seeing I started to nag, he didn’t pay mind to me anymore. The more he didn’t speak, the angrier I became in my heart, insisting on forcing him to speak, so I kept speaking. While speaking, he suddenly yelled, “Quite enough chatter!” I was so frightened that I suddenly stopped speaking. But right after that, I continued quarreling with him and my voice was louder than his. Finally, not until he stopped speaking first did our quarrels come to an end. On another occasion, I spoke about my grievance in my work to him. I thought he would comfort me, but to my surprise, he actually said, “All you have seen is others’ problems, but you are unable to look for the reason within yourself. It takes two to tango.” His words made me mad. I thought: What type of person is he? He even doesn’t know how to coax his own wife, just like a fool. Afterward, I seldom told him about the matters I encountered in my company because I thought even if I told him, he couldn’t be understanding of my feelings. Later, he also tried to ask something about my job, but I had already been in no mood to respond him. Gradually, he questioned me no further, and the things we could talk about became less and less. When I encountered troublesome matters again, I would go out to drink with and complain to my friends and sometimes I didn’t go back home until dawn. Seeing I often went home so late, my husband said I had treated my house as a hotel and even my mother-in-law and brother-in-law also put the blame onto me, which made me feel quite unbalanced inside. Hence, I was even more resentful of my husband, feeling he didn’t have the ability to protect me. As a result, we constantly quarreled with each other. Sometimes, after quarreling, he didn’t talk with me for several days or even a week. I was even angrier by this, feeling that he must have grown weary of me.

One night, after supper, I played with my child on the sofa, my child in my arms and my husband was playing with his stuff. I asked him, “Do you hate me? Why do you always give me the cold shoulder? If you have some thoughts about me, just speak them out straightly!” He didn’t utter a word, so I continued asking until he really became impatient and then he yelled toward me, “Don’t ask anymore. Every day you all have so many questions. Bored stiff!” Seeing his such a reaction, my anger rose immediately: “You didn’t answer my question yet you are so mean. What do you want on earth? How could I marry somebody like you?!” Then, we started to quarrel with each other. While quarreling, he stood up and gave me a push, and I suddenly fell to the sofa. Seeing he actually came to blow with me, I couldn’t bear anymore. I felt I had no way to continue to live with him anymore, so I put my child down and ran into the room in tears to find our marriage certificate. Upon seeing I have found it, he came to grab. During the process of disputing, his body pressed on my wrist. Immediately, I felt a heart-piercing pain — my wrist fractured. At that moment, my heart was almost broken: Is he really my husband I selected carefully? Is this the marriage I have expected? I’m his wife! How could he do this to me? From then on, I didn’t hold onto any hope for him.

In April, 2016, by chance, a sister preached the Lord Jesus’ gospel to me and said, “The Lord loves us and for the sake of saving us, he was nailed to the cross.” I was influenced by the Lord’s love, so I accepted His gospel. Afterward, I told the pastors of our church the problems between my husband and me. They told me, “Only when we change ourselves first can we change others. We should love our neighbors as ourselves and love our enemies, just like the Lord.” So I tried to change myself: After work, I no longer found my friends to drink; when I saw my husband ignore me and I wanted to lose my temper, I would pray to the Lord and ask Him to grant me a forgiving heart; sometimes even if I quarreled with him, later on, I would try to get through the impasse. Seeing my changes, my husband also believed in the Lord with me. After believing in the Lord, the quarrels between us became less. Seeing the Lord’s salvation of us, I was moved very much.

However, as time passed, I found that we still couldn’t control our emotions and fights often broke out between us. Especially when one of us was not in a good mood, we would both have no patience and tolerance. Consequently we quarreled more bitterly. After every quarrel, I would feel very painful within. So I prayed to the Lord, “O Lord, You taught us to love our enemies, but I really can’t do it. When seeing what my husband did didn’t accord with my will, I would have many defiant and dissatisfied things in my heart. O Lord, what should I do?” Later, I actively attended all the courses organized by our church, hoping to find a way out, but I failed at last. Then I asked the group leader for help. But he just replied, “I also often quarrel with my wife. Even Paul also said, ‘For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh,) dwells no good thing: for to will is present with me; but how to perform that which is good I find not’ (Romans 7:18). We all can’t do anything about it.” Instantly, I felt very blank: Could it be that we have to go through our whole lifetime in the quarrel?

In March, 2017, my husband, who had always been quiet, suddenly came to life and he often communicated the understanding of some verses with me. What was more unbelievable, his sharing allowed me to feel very enlightened. I was somewhat puzzled: How could he suddenly seem to have changed into another person? By accident I found there was a group in his line. Because it was already deep in the night, I had to ask him the next day. The next morning, we went to the church together. Walking on the street, I asked him what he chatted about with others on the internet. He just said they gathered together to fellowship about the Bible. When I asked him more, he would say no more. Later, l forced him into a corner and he had no choice but to tell me: “The Lord Jesus has returned and His name is Almighty God. He is expressing words and doing the work of judging and purifying man in the last days. This precisely fulfills the Bible’s words: ‘For the time is come that judgment must begin at the house of God’ (1 Peter 4:17). When we seek God’s work, we should pay attention to listening to God’s voice. If we blindly cling to our own conceptions and imaginings, if we do not seek the truth, or pay attention to hearing the voice of God, and merely await the revelation of God, then we won’t welcome the return of the Lord. I’m investigating Almighty God’s work of the last days.” Hearing this news, I was suddenly shocked, finding it was so inconceivable. I recalled an Indian pastor once told us that we should humbly seek everything about the Lord, so I prayed to the Lord: “Abba, heavenly Father, if Almighty God is Your return, may You point out a clear way to me. If not, may You protect my heart so that I won’t abandon You. Amen!”

After the prayer, I turned on the Bible and began to read. When I read the words in Book of Revelation: “Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me” (Revelation 3:20), I was suddenly moved somewhat, feeling as if the Lord was speaking to me face to face. I thought: Has the Lord really returned? Then I also thought of the verses that the pastor explained on the Lord’s day a few days before. So I turned to John 16:12–13: “I have yet many things to say to you, but you cannot bear them now. However, when he, the Spirit of truth, is come, he will guide you into all truth: for he shall not speak of himself; but whatever he shall hear, that shall he speak: and he will show you things to come.” I was very excited in my heart: If the Lord really has returned, then does it mean that the problems about my marriage will be resolved? Hence, I hurriedly let my husband help me contact the brothers and sisters of the Church of Almighty God, wanting to study Almighty God’s work of the last days, too.

At a meeting, a sister integrated the Bible and fellowshiped with me about the prophecies about the means of the Lord’s return, the Lord’s new name and the work done by the Lord’s return and so on. I really wanted to know the Lord’s work in the last days, so I continuously prayed to the Lord, asking Him to enlighten me so that I could understand His words. During the time of studying God’s work of the last days, my husband and I quarreled with each other again because of something. I felt very upset, so I asked the sister, “Why do I always quarrel with my husband instead of getting along with each other calmly?” She found two passages of God’s word for me: “Before man was redeemed, many of Satan’s poisons were already planted within him. After thousands of years of Satan’s corruption, man already has within him a nature that resists God. Therefore, when man has been redeemed, it is nothing more than redemption, where man is bought at a high price, but the poisonous nature within has not been eliminated. Man that is so defiled must undergo a change before being worthy to serve God. Through this work of judgment and chastisement, man will fully come to know the filthy and corrupt substance within him, and he will be able to completely change and become clean. Only in this way can man be worthy to return before the throne of God” (“The Mystery of the Incarnation (4)”). “Though Jesus did much work among man, He only completed the redemption of all mankind and became man’s sin offering, and did not rid man of all his corrupt disposition. Fully saving man from the influence of Satan not only required Jesus to take on the sins of man as the sin offering, but also required God to do greater work to completely rid man of his disposition, which has been corrupted by Satan. And so, after man was forgiven his sins, God has returned to flesh to lead man into the new age, and begun the work of chastisement and judgment, and this work has brought man into a higher realm. All those who submit under His dominion shall enjoy higher truth and receive greater blessings. They shall truly live in the light, and shall gain the truth, the way, and the life” (“Preface”).

Then she said, “In the beginning, Adam and Eve lived in a happy world of togetherness with God. They could hear God’s words and enjoyed God’s love and there was no quarrel and pain between them. However, since they listened to the serpent’s words and ate the fruit from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, they had abandoned God and lived under the domain of Satan, and they couldn’t live before God happily like before any longer. Then the sorrowful and painful life began. After we were corrupted by Satan, we had become full of the corrupt disposition and poison of Satan and started to become selfish, treacherous, arrogant, willful, and put ourselves first in all things; people also fight and kill each other. Though we also pray to the Lord and repent and follow the example of the Lord Jesus to love our neighbors as ourselves, as we still have corrupt satanic disposition within, we will unceasingly sin under the control of them. Because the Lord Jesus just did the work of redeeming humanity, but not the work of eliminating sin, that is to say, after we accepted the Lord Jesus’ salvation, we just no longer belong to sin, can have the opportunity to pray before God and gain His mercy and our sins are forgiven, but the nature of our sins within is still deep-rooted, we still need God to perform another stage of the work of purifying and changing people. Nowadays, God has once again become flesh and has expressed His word to do the work of judgment and purification. Only if we keep pace with God’s new work, accept the judgment and chastisement of God’s words and pursue the truth can our corrupt disposition be changed and can we live out the likeness of a true person and then the true harmony will be achieved between people.”

Through the sister’s fellowship, I came to understand: Actually the reason why we always live in the state of sinning and confessing is because we have Satan’s nature. Nowadays, God has become flesh again to do the work of judgment. As long as we accept God’s new work we will have the chance to change. At that moment, I felt somewhat moved, thinking: There are many brothers and sisters who believe in the Lord enthusiastically in our church, but I never thought that I actually heard the news of the Lord’s return first. Thank the Lord! “But I still don’t really understand: This time God expresses words to purify and change us. How do words change us?” I asked.

Then she read another passage of God’s word to me: “In the last days, Christ uses a variety of truths to teach man, expose the essence of man, and dissect his words and deeds. These words comprise various truths, such as man’s duty, how man should obey God, how man should be loyal to God, how man ought to live out the normal humanity, as well as the wisdom and the disposition of God, and so on. These words are all directed at the essence of man and his corrupt disposition. In particular, those words that expose how man spurns God are spoken in regard to how man is an embodiment of Satan and an enemy force against God. In undertaking His work of judgment, God does not simply make clear the nature of man with just a few words;He exposes, deals with, and prunes it over the long term. These methods of exposure, dealing, and pruning cannot be substituted with ordinary words, but with the truth that man does not possess at all. Only methods of this kind are deemed judgment; only through judgment of this kind can man be subdued and thoroughly convinced into submission to God, and moreover gain true knowledge of God. What the work of judgment brings about is man’s understanding of the true face of God and the truth about his own rebelliousness. The work of judgment allows man to gain much understanding of the will of God, of the purpose of God’s work, and of the mysteries that are incomprehensible to him. It also allows man to recognize and know his corrupt substance and the roots of his corruption, as well as to discover the ugliness of man. These effects are all brought about by the work of judgment, for the substance of this work is actually the work of opening up the truth, the way, and the life of God to all those who have faith in Him. This work is the work of judgment done by God” (“Christ Does the Work of Judgment With the Truth”).

She fellowshiped with me, “God’s word has clearly explained how He does the work of judgment. Though God’s words are plain-spoken, they are the truth God expresses directing at our corrupt disposition and the truth we must practice so that we can be cleansed and saved. They tell us how to obey and worship God, how to live out the normal humanity, what God’s will for man is, what kind of person God would punish, what kind of person He would eliminate, and what man’s satanic nature is and so on. Though the words are ordinary, they have authority and power and are a manifestation of the life disposition of God. When we read God’s words of judgment and chastisement, we can feel that God is speaking face-to-face with us and that His words have thoroughly revealed our corrupt satanic disposition, our rebelliousness and resistance toward Him and our conceptions and imaginings. Only through the judgment of God’s words can we see the truth that we have been corrupted by Satan. Therefore we will hate ourselves and be disgusted ourselves from within our hearts and don’t want to live under the domain of Satan and be fooled by it anymore. Meanwhile, from God’s word of judgment and chastisement, we have seen God’s holy and righteous disposition tolerating no offense. God loathes and hates our corrupt disposition; but when we practice the truth to satisfy Him, His love and mercy will appear to us. As we continuously read God’s word and experience His judgment and chastisement, we have had a deeper understanding of our corrupt disposition and have better understood the truth expressed by God, so that we even more want to forsake our flesh and practice the truth to satisfy God. Hence, our expressions of corruption are less and less, we can also practice the truth easier and easier and gradually we have walked on the path of revering God and shunning evil. If we don’t experience the judgment and chastisement of God’s word, we will never have ways to live out the manner of a true person.”

Hearing her fellowship, I was moved very much, feeling that God’s work of judgment and chastisement is really practical and that we indeed need such judgment and chastisement. So I also prayed to God in my heart: “God, I wish for You to use Your words to water and feed me so that I can know myself and my corrupt disposition can be changed.”

Once, another sister read a passage of God’s word to me, “Women imagine that their other halves will be Prince Charming, and men imagine that they will marry Snow White. These fantasies go to show that every person has certain requirements for marriage, their own set of demands and standards. … Marriage is an important juncture in a person’s life. It is the product of a person’s fate, a crucial link in one’s fate; it is not founded on any person’s individual volition or preferences, and is not influenced by any external factors, but is completely determined by the fates of the two parties, by the Creator’s arrangements and predeterminations regarding the fates of the couple. … When one enters into a marriage, one’s journey in life will influence and touch upon one’s other half, and likewise one’s partner’s journey in life will influence and touch upon one’s fate in life. In other words, human fates are interconnected, and no one can fulfill one’s mission in life or perform one’s role completely independently from others. One’s birth has a bearing on a huge chain of relationships; growing up also involves a complex chain of relationships; and similarly, a marriage inevitably exists and maintains in a vast and complex web of human connections, involving every member and influencing the fate of everyone who is a part of it. A marriage is not the product of both members’ families, the circumstances in which they grew up, their appearances, their ages, their qualities, their talents, or any other factors; rather, it arises from a shared mission and a related fate. This is the origin of marriage, a product of human fate orchestrated and arranged by the Creator” (“God Himself, the Unique III”). Then she fellowshiped with me, “The marriage of each of us is predetermined by God; the one with whom we will establish a family has also already been predetermined by God, which is God’s wisdom arrangement. When God arranges our marriages, He doesn’t look at our social status, nor does he look at our appearances and qualities but determines them according to the missions of us when we come to this world. However, as we are controlled by our corrupt disposition, we always have our own requirements and preferences for our other halves, so when they couldn’t be in line with our will, we would feel painful within. This kind of pain is not brought by others, nor is it caused by God’s predetermination, but instead it is caused by our corrupt disposition.”

Recalling the process of my husband and me getting along with each other: I was always not satisfied with his performance and always demanded him to reach my standards. Otherwise, I would blame him, thinking he didn’t care about me and that all of these matters were all his fault. Not until at that point did I realize that I was really a senseless and selfish person who only thought of my own preferences and interest when doing things. Thinking it over, in reality, it was not that my husband didn’t take care of me, and he was just not capable of voicing his feelings; however, I forced him to do the things he didn’t like, thus causing so many conflicts between us. I also thought that he once told me, “Back then, you preached the Lord’s gospel to me and now I preach the gospel of God’s work of the last days to you. This is God’s great grace for us. We are the most blessed one.” However, I didn’t know to give thanks to God but was full of complaints about my marriage. Thanks be to God. Having found the source that caused my marriage to be painful, I felt calmer and more liberated in my heart.

Now, my husband and I often read God’s word and fellowship about the truth together and also do our best to fulfill our duty. We accept the watering and nourishing of God’s word every day, so our life dispositions are changed in some way and our life has become fuller and fuller. What moves me the most is that: Because my husband’s comprehension of the truth is better than mine, he often fellowships with me about the pure comprehension of God’s word and some experiences and understandings; when he sees me reveal my corrupt disposition, he will communicate with me about the truth and God’s will. Having felt his concern and care for me, I feel very happy within. Reflecting back on the road we have taken, I am still I and he is still he, but just because we have accepted Almighty God’s work of the last days and understood the truth, everything changes. Thank Almighty God for saving us and resolving our family’s conflicts.

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